October Fave Five

I CANNOT BELIEVE IT IS OCTOBER! Like two more months until the end of the year...how the heck did that happen?

Well, another month and another fave five!

Trader Joe's All-In-One Facial Cleanser
I have been using the Oil Cleansing Method for nearly a year now and am really happy with it. But, I've noticed that my skin has been a little dull lately and picked this face wash up during my last trip to Trader Joe's. At $5, if it didn't work, I wasn't out a fortune.

To my surprise, this stuff actually rocks. I still use my oil to take off my eye makeup but, this stuff is strong enough to take off my makeup but gentle enough to not tear up my face. If you are looking for a pretty good, but inexpensive face wash, try this one out!

Buxom Full On Lip Gloss

I admit it - I'm a lip gloss gal. I like to try lip glosses all the time. Cheap, expensive, tingly, colorful, sparkly and bright...you name it, I'll try it. But, low and behold, I have found one that I REALLY like and might make me a loyal customer. 

Buxom Full On Lip Gloss is a tingly, lip plumping (well, on me not so much) lip gloss that really has some staying power and isn't goopy. All things I like. I bought the mini kit from Sephora and I really can't decide which color I like best! I am using Cherry Flip a lot, which is a color I probably would not have pick out based off of what it looks like at first glance, but it's a cute pink that isn't too loud. The tingle in the lip gloss lasts for a really long time, so if you don't like tingly lip glosses, don't pick this up!

Elizabethan Desserts

This has been my favorite dessert place for about the last five years. Only problem, or shall I say the only BLESSING is that it is about 45 minutes away from our home. But, now that Brady has Brain Highways class right across the street from Elizabethan Dessert's new location, I have been there every Sunday enjoying their delicacies! My go-to dessert is their Grasshopper cupcake. Oh minty my. If they are out of those delicious little yummies, I usually get a Magic Bar which is made with all sorts of magicness. 

If you are ever in the Encinitas, California area, definitely stop by and have a little good ol' American dessert. Their St. Louis Ooey Gooey Bars even made Bon Appetites' Top Desserts. Seriously LEGIT. Visit their website HERE.

Their cupcakes come in mini and regular sizes. I know, who the heck buys a mini cupcake?

Personalized Silicone Cup Bands

One thing that has almost made me bat-sh*t crazy with my two boys is their fierce possessiveness over their water bottles. Well, not so much Brady, but Wes is uber possessive over his favorite water bottles. If Brady even dares look at Wes' water bottle, especially his new Jake and the Neverland Pirates stainless steel water "canteen" from the Disney Store, Wes' flips his lid! Poor Brady! And, poor hubby! He innocently will give Brady Wes' cups and that just causes meltdowns all around! Wes is crying because "it's MINE Daddy! MINE!". Brady is crying because "Daddy gave it to ME!" and Dave is about to cry because he can't stand the whining! 

So, to make it very CLEAR to everyone and end the water bottle madness I purchased these silicone cup bands and they are seriously awesome. Each boy picked their own color - Brady picked green and Wes picked blue and I had their full names debossed on each. 

They fit really nice and snug on their water bottles and they are great for many reasons. Because each boy has their own "color", hubby can easily tell who each cup belongs to. Crisis averted. But, one unintended benefit is that each boy can read and identify their own cups. Another cool thing is that Wes is trying his hardest to remember how to spell his last name and he can do this independently now (sometimes long last names are a pain!)

There are four in a pack and I ordered and received them in less than a week. Super sweet! Visit theinkjunkie on Etsy to order yours!

Smarty Pants Vitamins

Finding a vitamin that Brady will take is fairly difficult. It seems that a lot of vitamins are coated with sugar, which he hates! I had found a vitamin that worked for us, but we also had to supplement with Fiber and Omegas separately. Each morning he had a ton of things to take!

A friend had recommended Smart Pants vitamins and I was a little hesitant trying something new with him. But, they had a money back guarantee so I decided to give it a go. What I really like is that Brady can take one vitamin that contains not only his daily vitamins and minerals, but his Omegas and Fiber as well. I'm all about streamlining Brady's supplements wherever I can!

Besides liking what's INSIDE the vitamins, I really like what's NOT INSIDE them. They are free of high fructose corn syrup, artificial colors, flavors or preservatives. They are also gluten and casein-free. 

And, if you want to know the best thing about Smarty Pants...they make a 1-for-1 matching nutrient grant to a child in need through their partnership with Vitamin Angels. Visit their website HERE for more information on their products

Hope you are already enjoying your Fall! 

It's Fall Ya'll!

Hey everyone!

Sorry! I've been M.I.A. for the last month. I needed to take some time to rest and give my current life perspective a tune up! We've had an, well, EVENTFUL September and now that I've taken some time to just LIVE life and enjoy those mundane moments, I'm back and rejuvenated!

So, today, I want to share what I have learned over the month of September...

Nothing in life is guaranteed. 
Nothing in life is absolutely guaranteed. You could be a good person. You could eat right, exercise and take your vitamins. You could do everything right, but, there is a strong chance that something will happen that will shake you right to your core.

Our dear friend, Patti, was recently diagnosed with Stage IV Hodgkin's Lymphoma. She is one of the most kind, funny and boisterous women I know. When my water broke with Brady, the first person I called was her (she wasn't home, but thankfully her hubby, Jeff, is equally awesome and he WAS home!). She's a "go-to" person; the person you want by your side when you need comfort. But, one uneventful day I received a call from her husband and he told us she found out she had cancer. The pit of my stomach just clenched up. While no one ever deserves cancer, she was not the person this should happen to. (To lend her a prayer and read about her journey, please visit her blog at http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/champatti411/mystory)

But, some times the most tragic circumstances bring about the most beautiful things. The amount of people who have come together to rally behind this beautiful woman is magical. It is really inspiring how much love has been shown for her. And, it is this love that makes me realize that I don't want those who I love to ever not FEEL that type of love every day from me.

I have decided that:

• I will NEVER go to sleep without telling my hubby and boys how much I love them
• I will NEVER let my boys drift to sleep without hearing me tell them something specific I was proud they accomplished that day and that I love them with all of my heart
• I will never let the mundane things get in the way of doing something genuine for someone else
• Things can be rescheduled...so if something fun comes up I want to do, reschedule the things that can be rescheduled so we can just have fun!
• Make someone else happy every day, even if it is a stranger. Everyone is experiencing their own struggles, so making someone's day may be a blessing for us both.

My husband is my rock
Things have definitely been trying on my marriage over the years. Not so trying that I have felt like my marriage was ever in danger, but it has definitely been hard. I have forced myself to take a step back and look at my interactions with my husband as if I were a bystander watching us. There are definitely times where I am not as kind as I should be. My patience wears thin and my worries have made me weary and tired. And, with that, my vows of commitment to honor my husband and all he does for us has made it to the bottom of a long list of priorities. This is something I should have never let happen.

I look at what this wonderful man does for his family...He is present for his boys. He provides a very comfortable life for his family. He makes sure to allow his wife respite from her motherly duties (oh, how dramatic that sounds!). He picks up clutter, fixes dinner, scoops dog poop, kisses boo-boos, puts up with Pinterest projects, says, "No, your butt doesn't look big in that" and does not ever complain that it is too much. He makes sure to give me credit for all that I do, which is invaluable to me and my self worth, which I've struggled with ever since I made the decision to be a stay-at-home-mom. What I have realized is that I do not sincerely honor him for all that he is. And, I SHOULD.

With this realization, I have committed to honoring him each and every day. Even if it is for the little things because it's the little things that really do matter. I'll keep you guys updated how I face this challenge this month because I don't want to ruin the surprises for him! 

My kids are my miracles
Every day brings their challenges, especially with kids. Uh, I should add, especially with a special needs kiddo. And, with those challenges, I have realized how frustrated I get with them and how much I let them KNOW it. I spend more time being frustrated than I do being encouraging and supportive.

And, I get it...the days are short and my list of things to do are long, so it's easy to become easily flustered and frustrated when they delay and fret over little things. But, really, they are little and they are supposed to make mistakes and be curious about EVERYTHING. I need to stop treating them as if they are TRYING to make my day difficult and stop to appreciate the moments that I'm able to teach them. Those moments when they want me to help them will eventually end and I need to seize the moment while it is here.

I promise my little ones that I will start making an effort to slow our days down and let the learning moments happen. I've been whining that they are growing up so fast, but really, I haven't taken the time to enjoy them like I should. I am going to join in on the wonder of learning new things and their vivacious curiosity. If only adults would take time to be amazed by the small things our children are fascinated by!  

So, in essence, I've realized that I've needed to slow down. I need a slower paced life. I need to enjoy my boys each day, not wishing for bed times to hurry up and for their cherub faces to be sleeping (and quiet). I need to be a better friend, a better mom and a better wife. I need to focus on taking care of today and stop worrying so much about tomorrow. I need to remind myself that nothing in life is guaranteed. I need to remind myself that I'll never get today back so don't wish it away!

Back to School Giveaway!

I'm so happy to be partnering with our bloggy friend www.Prettymyparty.com to bring to you a fabulous and spectacular Back To School Giveaway!

With our kiddos going back to school soon, who couldn't use a little extra help to pay for all of those pesky school supply and new clothes expenses? I know, I sure could use the help!

The Back to School Giveaway will start today at 9 a.m. PST/12 noon EST. There will be 2 winners who will each receive a $450 Visa gift card toward their back to school necessity purchases! The giveaway will end 8:59 p.m. PST/11:59 p.m. EST on August 23rd!

My friends, it's pretty easy to enter! See below for the ways you could earn EXTRA entries! Good luck to everyone!

And, don't forget to stop by and see all of the wonderful ideas at www.prettymyparty.com!

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10 Odd Facts About Moi

Hubby and I often laugh about our oddities. It makes for interesting conversation because often times, when I tell him something odd about myself, it floors him. Even after nearly 10 years together, we surprise each other!

So, I'm about to reveal 10 ODD things about me. Things you probably wouldn't have guessed in a million years.

1. I am afraid of popping balloons. AND the sound canned biscuits make when you open them. So afraid, that I will not blow up and tie a balloon. And, I close my eyes when opening canned biscuits. 

2. I am completely addicted to reality tv. If I am sick or feel like veggin' out completely, I will turn on a marathon of any reality show and watch. I've watched the one about rattlesnake wranglers, Buck Wild, Teen Mom, Guiliana and Bill to name a few. Right now, embarrassingly to admit, I am watching Total Diva. Yes, me, sensory bin and slightly crunchy mom watches TOTAL DIVA. (I'm totally covering my face as I admit that).

3. I look into people's showers when I use their bathroom. It's not like I care what's in there - but for some reason, I need to make SURE there is not an axe murderer or sociopath waiting for me to pop a squat before making me their next victim.

4. I cannot hold something if I'm laughing hard. My husband finds it hilarious to ask me to squeeze his finger if I am belly laughing. It's physically impossible for me to to do it. I would be toast if I had to hold onto a cliff while someone told a joke. I have to add this fact to my list of reasons never to rock climb, too.

5. I have a secret crush on Brody Jenner. Yes, from the Hills and Keeping Up With The Kardashians. AND Taylor Kinney. Yes, Lady GaGa's boyfriend. I have problems. I have a hall pass from hubby in case my seductive powers capture them and they can't refuse. I mean, look at them, can you blame me?

 

6. I love, love, love french fries. I'd rather eat french fries than a fancy meal any day. I love them with ketchup, ranch or bleu cheese dressing. I often convince my kids that we are getting fries as a treat for them, but REALLY it's for me. 

7. I consume myself with some pretty serious stuff during the day like autism, parenting, finance, education stuff. So, to cleanse my palette, I often read PerezHilton.com and Dlisted.com before I go to sleep. It's my after dark secret!

8. I am both fascinated and deathly afraid of snakes. I often devise a plan of escape for several different scenarios of encountering rattlesnakes. I know EXACTLY what I'd do if I saw one in my kitchen, in my yard, in my garage or even in my driveway. I spend way too much time thinking about it. I am both repulsed and intrigued at the thought of them.

9. My dream car is toss up between a Chevrolet Suburban and a Masarati Quattroporte. Wonder which one I have a better chance of getting in this lifetime?

 

10. I don't know how to iron clothes to save my life and choose my clothing accordingly. 

That's not me, but if you added about 15 lbs., flip flops, flabbier thighs and a hyper child tugging at my leg, it COULD be me. Just sayin'.

So that's my oddity package in a nutshell. Hope you are enjoying your week!

Why I Rarely Feel Sympathy

Do you guys like rambling non-sensical posts? Oh, good! I do, too ;0)

I am going to put this out there...I rarely feel sorry for people. That may come as a shocker to some, but I want to open the discussion on why, even in the saddest and lowest points of my friends' lives, I will not feel sympathy FOR them.

People always comment, "I don't know how you do it". But, I rarely take that as a compliment because for me, I know no other way but to be resilient. That's not a pat on my back, by any means. But, I think that what keeps me sane, is that I keep telling myself that no matter how rough or sucky it gets, there's always a way out and that way out really is up to me. I may ask for help. I may ask for lonely solace or laughing fits with a friend who knows that my coping mechanism is denial disguised as self deprecating  comedy. But, I never allow myself to feel helpless for long. Thankfully, neither do my friends. And, believe me, my friends have done a great job helping me feel empowered exactly when I need their help. Kudos to awesome friends - you know who you are! I think one of the best decisions I have made in life is to surround myself with people who keep me up, not down.

Okay, back to my explanation. I'll set the scene for an example to further explain my point...
My friend is having a really, really hard time adjusting to a new baby. Sleepless nights, poopy diapers, regressing siblings, flabby tummy, spit up on everything, dirty hair and insurmountable demands are growing...but, I do not feel sympathy for her. Say what?! Bad friend alert! Bad friend alert!

Do I feel her pain? Heck Yes, I do. But, will she survive it? Yes, I'm confident she will. Will I help her? Heck yes, again, heck yes I will. I will bring her dinner, I will listen quietly as she talks about how sucky it is. BUT, I will reassure her that it will get better and maybe help her get a plan together so she can get some sleep or alone time. Because, regardless if I've felt the same feelings, I do not feel sympathy or sorry for her. I feel empathy. Let's discuss the difference...

Let me get all preachy teacher for a sec so we are all on the same page with the difference between sympathy and empathy. Hang in there...
Sympathy and Empathy could be these few examples:

• You feel great empathy with those who are poor, so you volunteer at a non-profit to help them
• Your friend's mother passed away so you send your sympathies for her loss
• Listening to your friend about her struggles being a parent of a micro-preemie gives you greater empathy towards her and you decide to help watch her other child while she visits the NICU
• A great tragedy occurred in your hometown so you send a letter of sympathy to the victims
• You feel emphatic to your friends pain when she is going through a messy divorce and take her out for a drink to lift her spirits

In other words, you seek to identify with someone you are empathic towards. Not feel sorry for them. Feeling sorry implies you pity them. See, with empathy, there's no pity or grieving involved.

When I see a friend struggling, I do not feel sorry for her. I feel sorry that she has to experience pain, but I do not feel sorry FOR her. I know that she is strong enough to find her way. I feel the need to help her out of her low point. How does one do this without feeding into this pity party? EASY. You give encouragement. You lend a hand. You hold their hand and help them up. You listen, but you don't let them wallow in the "woe is me" stage. You help them find their way up that steep hill. But, you don't drag them up. If you are giving sympathy to them at the bottom of the hill, you are really just waiting with them at the bottom of that hill they are facing. Help a friend in a bind by REFUSING to give sympathy, but offer a helping hand. Because feeling sorry doesn't help. It never will. Empathy leads to helping.

So, if you are feeling low, don't ask for sympathy. Ask for help. Don't complain, ask for help gaining clarity, creating a clear plan. Yes, venting is something we all do. But, venting quickly turns into endless complaining. Complaining keeps you in the quick sand. Until you stop the complaining, funny or not, you'll never move forward.

This has been a struggle for me. Oh, it is one of my daily internal battles. Most days I have to tell myself, "Suck it up, buttercup". I'm not lying. I literally have to tell myself that almost EVERY DAY, and several times at that. I refuse to allow myself a pity party because for me, it would be easy to do. Cake and ice cream included, because it is a party after all. But, for me, allowing myself to REMAIN in that frame of mind only exacerbates the problems. It's a slippery slope to climb. It starts with self pity, followed by envy, followed by solicitations for sympathy, followed by self pity, which all leads to helplessness and falling faster into the quick-sand of life. "Suck it up, buttercup. Make a plan, keep moving forward".

So, if you have a friend who seems to always bounce back and you find yourself saying, "I wonder how she does it?", know that this is probably her secret weapon to keeping herself resilient. She probably doesn't give much sympathy out either. Getting to this point was a game changer for me. Will it be for you?

August Fave Five

Woo-wee! August is upon us, folks! Can you believe it? FOUR months until the END OF THE YEAR! Craziness! For information on where to find these items, see the bottom of the post!

sugarSNAP Files Customizable Diaper Bag Organizer Mesh Pouches

Let me start that I have been on an organizing kick. I'm sort of/kind of past the diaper bag toting days, but I'm still lugging a bunch of things for the boys in my purse. Actually, I have so much kid crap in my bags, that it often times becomes such a cluttered mess and I can't find ANYTHING. It makes me so frustrated to open my purse and see the snacks, receipts, wipes, toy cars and lip glosses in a messy heap. So, when I discovered these little "file" bags, I was on it like white on rice. I decided to spend the EXTRA $2 for the customizable bags and I have quickly organized my bag into a "filing system" where I can easily find anything I'm looking for. 

The best part about these "files" are that you can remove any of the file bags from the ring and toss into another bag or hand to a child (or any hubby, stranger, fabulous friend that you are pawning your spawn off to). The "files" I created are "Technology", "Wallet", "Me+Mine", "Big Kid Stuff", "Snack & Supplies". 

Stella & Dot How Does She Do It Bag

When I got the sugarSNAP files, I realized that they were a tad bit too big for my current mom bag. So, OF COURSE, I bought another bag. Probably didn't need to, but I DID and I love it! I got the Stella & Dot How Does She Do It Bag from my gal pal Frances and I'm loving the Navy Stripes. It's really summery and nautical (complete with a cute anchor charm), with a bright orange lining. What I love the most is it is a glazed, but not shiny canvas. This is the biggest perk to a mommy of two boys. Another really lovely feature is that it has an internal water bottle pocket and a pocket on the outside perfect for your phone. My sugarSNAP files fit PERFECT inside. I added the cross body strap and now I'm ready to be SUPER MOM!

Nike Air Miler

Late July we went to Disneyland for a few days and I knew I had to bring a good pair of walking shoes. In the last month I've noticed that my go-to walking shoes were becoming increasingly uncomfy. So, off into researching mode I went. When I read the reviews for these shoes, one thing that was consistent was that they were ultra comfortable and light - just what I was looking for. Not only were these shoes super easy on my feet, they didn't require any breaking in. They were just so comfortable right out of the box. So, if you are in the market for some new walking shoes, check them out. 

Shea Moisture Red Bush & Babassu Baby Lotion

For the most part, we use the whipped body butter that I make (click here for a tutorial). But, the only problem with that body butter is that it melts pretty easily. This makes it hard to take on the go or stash in the car. And, since I pretty much forget to put lotion on my kids each school morning, I find myself doing it before we get out of our car before school. So, I purchased this bottle to bring with me. It smells heavenly. So heavenly, I've been using it myself! What I like most about this lotion is that it's free of a lot of yuck stuff like parabens, mineral oil, synthetic fragrances and colors. I just recently went back and purchased a different fragrance that I plan on making my own sunscreen with (tutorial coming soon!!!)

Bristle Blocks

On our last trip to Lakeshore, my younger son, Weston BEGGED for these Bristle Blocks. I was a little hesitant to buy them since a lot of the building block type toys require you buy MORE and MORE blocks and often don't work with other sets. Well, I'm afraid to say this, but this is TRUE for this toy also. BUT Wes has found so much enjoyment from them. And, me being ME, I have tried to use them in many different ways other than building to justify adding ANOTHER toy collection to our mess. And, you know what? Besides building with them, you can also use them for painting by using them to make stamped impressions, drag them to make lines or using the wheels as rollers. AND, AND, AND if you are crazy for playdoh...use them to make impressions there, too! So, because they are pretty versatile and keep my young one busy, they are a HIT in my book!

Happy AUGUST my friends! 

LINKS

Stella & Dot How She Does It Bag - http://www.stelladot.com/sites/frances

Whew...Made It Through This Week

WARNING: I try not to get all sappy and boo-hoo too many times in a short amount of time, but I'm just going to get it all out. 

All I can say is, "Goodness, I'm glad this week is OVAH". It's been a pretty tolling week for me. Well, let me rephrase this, it's been hard for my entire family. Brady started Kinder on Wednesday and a program called Brain Highways last Sunday. Both have been mentally, physically and emotionally demanding.

Our schedules are all haywire. To top off my nervous martini, Brady is now riding the bus home. I wait in my driveway with knots in my belly awaiting his return in the afternoons.

He has therapy until dinner. He asks me for a blanket, curls up on the couch reminding himself, "Brady don't fall asleep" waiting for bath time. He's exhausted. I'm exhausted. Brady feels it. I feel it. My hubby feels it. Wes definitely feels it, too. It's definitely been a doozy of a week.

By Friday we finally started to resume our groove. It was on Friday during my walk back to the car from dropping my sweetest lil' Brady off at school that I noticed Wes was wearing the OUTFIT - the one Brady was wearing the day he was diagnosed. The orange polo and blue plaid shorts. It made my heart ache to look at how little and innocent Wes is and recall that Brady was once that age. He was Wes' age when we had our lives shaken to the core. A-U-T-I-S-M. Like an earthquake, things never quite settled back to how they were before. It wasn't until I looked at the calendar today and realized that it has been EXACTLY 2 years since Brady wore that cute as a button outfit to that fateful doctor's appointment and I cried the ENTIRE way home. That's a lot of crying for someone who hardly EVER cries. I couldn't even speak to my friends. I was utterly crushed, deflated and devastated. I have never experienced debilitating hopelessness quite like that dark period of my life. It's emotional to even remember those days.

I would be lying if I said that I wasn't slightly melancholy that day and perhaps all this weekend. I feel a pang of envy again, just like I did that day two years ago. Why him? Why us? What did I do to deserve this? Why was this happening to him? Why? Why? WHY? The only difference is that back THEN, the pain was debilitating. DEBILITATING. Now, I can reflect and know it isn't happening TO US, it just happens. Crap happens (Well, you know the REAL saying. Just keeping it PG, folks).

But, then I remind myself of all of the beautiful things that have happened BECAUSE of it. Stay with me people. It's going to get all huggy rainbow unicorns up in here. But, I speak my truth. I look at who I was pre-diagnosis. I'm much more proud of the person I am NOW.

I used to be some what self-absorbed and quite judgmental. I admit it. I judged and I judged a lot. Do I now? Sure, I think a little bit of judgment is just innately human. But, do I judge like I used to? NO. I have a lot more empathy for people these days. We are all struggling. Maybe not the same way and perhaps some are more apt at coping with their own struggles than others. I am definitely more capable of living with our struggles than I was two short years ago.

I know that life is not easy, but I do know that I have so much to be thankful for. SO MUCH. I live a fairly comfortable life. I really have no complaints. And, if I do, I try not to air them out too much (i.e. FACEBOOK) because that's just asking for sympathy and sympathy is not progress or helpful. I turn to my friends to get me grounded and back on my feet.

I feel much more connected with my husband. I think we were just kind of living the good life before our son was diagnosed. I think that it was a serious slap in the face that not only was life NOT easy, but really forced us to define who we really were and what are convictions were. I think before I was pretty convictionless (did I just create a new word? I think so). Now, I am pretty steadfast in what is important to me and what I will stand up and fight for. On the flip side of that same coin, I also know what is just not worth my time.

I think I'm also quite a better parent than I would have been without my son's diagnosis. Did I have any idea what the hell sensory play was or how important some of those development milestones were to my child's future? Um, no. I think I spent MORE time deciding what my son should wear, what diaper bag I'd carry and maybe if I should buy Pampers or Huggies. Seriously, if Brady was content (and he was extremely content), then I was doing a GA-REAT job. But, now that I know just how to be a better parent, I AM A BETTER PARENT. Not part-time, but ALL THE TIME. All who know me understand just how entirely I am committed to my kids. We are a pretty damn strong family unit.

I have found some of the very best friends to include in my support system. These friends include my virtual ones! I probably would have NEVER crossed paths with some of these people if my son hadn't received his diagnosis. Don't get me wrong - I'm never trying to FIX my son, but I try and HELP him achieve the very best and ensure he has the absolute brightest future. So, when I say I probably wouldn't have crossed paths with these fabulous friends, I wouldn't have if I wasn't searching out all of these resources. But, what has resulted is this beautiful web of confidants that I rely on for not only information, but emotional elevations in ways most people could not provide unless you walked the same path.

I know that Wes will be a better person for it. He knows nothing other than acceptance and kindness. He will only know compassion and understanding. He doesn't see that Brady is different and he idolizes him in ways a little brother should. He won't have the TYPICAL sibling bond, but perhaps it'll be stronger because we all fight for Brady and cheer him on. His goals are ours and we work WITH and along side him, which has made us all stronger.

I feel much more clear on where my life is headed and feel in possession of a very concrete purpose. Clarity is such a gift. I'm a helper and I've tried to help anyone who needs it. I don't need to be a leader. I don't need to be the planner. I don't need to be the coordinator. I just want to help, which some times is the more important role. If you need information that I have? You go it! Need advice I can lend? You go it! Need a book I have? You go it! Need to know it will all be okay? You go it! I now know I am a helper in every capacity of my life. And, I'm happy with that role.

Is having a child with Autism fun? Um, no. Let me repeat, it is not. Not at all. Is it challenging? Did it affect my marriage? Yes, in fact it sucked really bad at times (the challenges, not my marriage). But, it is also rewarding in ways that you could not even imagine. To have your autistic child accomplish something that you thought he'd never do is something like experiencing a miracle. Ever witness someone throw a dance party because their kid tried a new food? Call your husband in the middle of the store because he answered a question spontaneously!? Welcome to Autismland, where parties are ragers and wine flows! To have your child do something you were told probably wouldn't or couldn't happen is great. Especially when you can stick your tongue out and tell someone to suck it. Well, that last part may all occur in my head, but it's pretty gratifying even if it's just fantasy.

People...what I do know for sure is that I'm going to have sucky weeks like this last one. But, doesn't everyone? That's life. I'm just so thankful for all of the things that are so great, knowing that some times it's going to be a little rough and uncomfortable. Well, I may be wrong, but heck, that's what gets me through the rough patches ;0) So, people, listen here, because this is quite important...if you have a sucky week, try to put your life in perspective. The things that are challenging are not fun, but don't lose your shizz over it. These same challenging circumstances may be making you the BETTER person you want to be. Just breathe. Or drink wine. Works for me!

Brady is Now a Kinder

School starts for Brady on Wednesday (I know! A WEDNESDAY, say what!?). And, the start of this school year has brought on a wave of intense anxiety for me. YES, for ME! (Hear the violins???) See, the start of school year is a very stressful thought for most ASD moms. Sure, all moms experience a little stress when their kidlets go off into school for the first time. But, let me explain to you a little more why I am sort of terrified about it.

First of all, if you don't know, Brady has Autism. You wouldn't know it if you saw us passing you. It's not something that he physically exhibits (well, most of the time, at least). And, he LOVES school. I am not terrified he will have a bad time there. I'm certain he will enjoy it and he will fall in love with his teacher. And, like everyone else, they will fall in love with him.

What I am most terrified of is that now he will be facing all those big kids. This isn't preschool anymore. All of those big kids that will probably make some comment about Special Ed (he's beginning the mainstreaming process this year) and God forbid, use the "R" word. I know, I KNOW with a certainty that they will not know the hurt they will cause by doing this. I know, because I was once a kid their age. But, luckily, Brady will probably not care one bit at this time. But, I WILL. I have yet to experience it, but I know it will not be easy. It's dreadful thinking about it. The last thing I want to do is be the mom who unleashed her wrath on a grade school child. Serenity now....

I know that one day Brady will be hurt by being excluded. That he will yearn to be "normal" and not know why he is different. He will wonder why he has extra work, therapy and all the things that "normal" kids don't have to endure. I will have to answer those questions one day. I'm glad I have some time to think it over a bit.

But, what brings on the worst anxiety is facing all the moms. YES! THE MOMS! The moms who just don't understand why I don't have time to do things like afterschool activities and volunteering. Why we can't just "skip" a day of therapy. Why we can't just be like them. It's because we are not. NOTHING like them. After school, Brady has therapy until dinner. UNTIL DINNER five days a week, people! He gets home from school and immediately has therapy. And, that's just ABA therapy. And, trust me, other moms will think it's a little over the top. "Why don't you just have LESS therapy?" Why? Because I want the best for my child and therapy is part of it. We don't do therapy because it's fun.

I will probably get the pity nod as I have to deal with a tantrum, because I'm sure it will happen eventually. But, really, I've been dealing with tantrums for a while, so they don't faze me. I'm sure I'll get a few, "Oh my! He's certainly vocal" comments here and there. Maybe I'll have to explain he has Autism. Maybe I won't. Depends on how tired and cranky I am.

But, what will be tough is dealing with the judgment. Judgment from those who have never walked my path. Judging my decisions, my actions, the tone and perhaps the fact that I will ignore some behaviors. Judging the amount of (or perceived lack of) discipline I have for my kids. I'll probably have to endure the torturous "Have you tried" suggestions. I'll answer probably seven billion times whether I think vaccines caused it, whether we are gluten free, is he like Rain Man, or "Have you heard of Temple Grandin". I'll annoyingly watch people talk to my son as if he is incapable of comprehending what they are saying (and just for the record, he DOES UNDERSTAND and you don't have to speak S-L-O-W). Just thinking about it kind of makes me physically and mentally tired.

I will be up at night thinking of what any new behavior means. I will wonder if services will be cut and if they aren't if he will be getting the appropriate level of services he needs. I will pray each day that his good spell of sleeping will not be disrupted by the stresses of not only a new school but a longer school day. I will wonder if his aides are nice to him, if he is scared or perhaps if all my worrying is for nothing. I will be conflicted with the amount of demands placed on him - for he is only 5. I will ponder if I'm doing the right thing, if I'm acting the right way, if I'm too hard or too lenient.

I know I bring a lot of this anxiety on myself. It's needless worrying for the most part. But, nonetheless, I worry. So, when you see me and pass judgment, remember, YOU, the mom giving me the judgmental glance (because we can all tell), are the LAST thing I need to worry about. But, for some damn reason, I spend time worrying about you. URGH!

Rather than side eye me, try this. Give me a smile. Give me some room. I want to be like you, but I can't. My circumstances don't allow it. I'm not bitter and I am over trying. Don't give me the guilt trip for not helping out at the damn bake sale. Don't think I'm lazy for not selling your magazines or participate in the next fundraiser. Don't think I'm being rude if I cut you off. It's probably because I can tell that my son is about to lose it because he has his head set on getting a sprinkled donut like I promised him and is growing impatient with my petty conversation. Don't get mad if I took up soooo much of the teacher/principal/fill-in-the-blank's time because of my kid's "issues". What you can do is understand that I don't want to be rude, pushy, flippant, whatever you think I am. I don't want to be on a perpetual soap box educating everyone about my son's Autism. It's not what I want to do. I just don't have the energy.

Know that I don't need your sympathy. My life is not horrible. It's far from it. We are happy and we DO have fun. Just not with you. Ha! Ha! I just had to put that in there.

Hey you other moms, what you can do is not tolerate your child demeaning another child for their disabilities. You can refuse to allow your child to treat another child - special ed or not - any differently than they would want to be treated. You can do this by doing it and modeling it for your kids. Your kids are a big mirror of yourself.

What I DO WANT is for my son to have the same experiences and memories of school as your child. I don't want to have to deal with the MOMS. So, with that, what you can do is just be nice. That's all - just be NICE. Simple as that. Oh, and don't take my parking space. I may just flip out.

So, THAT, my friends - that, in a large, long-winded nutshell, is why the start of school is stressful for me. WISH ME LUCK!